Minister for Hoons heads for the pits
By Mike O'Connor

WE CAN now repose contentedly behind our security screens and double deadlocked doors blissful in the knowledge that the hoons have been brought to heel. For barely a day passes when we are not treated to another thundering pronouncement from Police Minister Tony McGrady on the Taming of the Hoons.

Hoons, it seems, threaten civilisation, being a latter-day version of the Goths and Visigoths, hordes of whom will sack the city if left unchecked.

How reassuring it has been to watch the Minister walking in company with senior police as he inspects cars on the Gold Coast which have been impounded for various traffic offences.

Television cameras, summoned to record the enthralling sight of a politician nodding sagely as he looks at cars, record heart-fluttering images of thoughtful chin stroking and earlobe tugging and the pronouncement that yes, they are cars. Absolutely no doubt about it.

The sight of a politician attempting to look thoughtful can easily induce spontaneous tittering and giggling among the most serious and sober of souls.

The sight of one attempting to look thoughtful, forceful and authoritative while staring at an inanimate object and pretending -- badly -- that he is not being filmed can induce a reaction bordering on the hysterical.

But what about the hoons, you cry? The hoons are coming. The Minister says so.

To the barricades! There'll be rape and pillage. They must be stopped.

All hail the Minister, the saviour of our time. Cometh the hour, cometh the man.

What we have here is government by image. Hoons make good images, lots of library footage of tyres spinning and rubber burning. Shocking anti-social behaviour.
Why aren't they at home watching Big Brother like all normal people?

And the Minister can be seen to be doing something which in politics, as it's practised in this country on both sides of the parliamentary halfway line, is more important than implementing significant change. Having been filmed inspecting impounded cars --``It's a car, Mr Minister.'' ``Not any car, Humphrey. A hoon's car. Politically, there's a huge difference'' -- we then thrilled to vision of police raiding a car park where young men crazy about their cars regularly gathered.

Tickets were written. Some cars had been modified! More spluttering outrage by the Minister.

I'm not suggesting that anti-social behaviour be tolerated and that dangerous driving be encouraged, but this obsession with hooning by the Minister for Hoons should end -- and end quickly. My mates and I spent most of our money and time on our cars when we were young.

Watching the televised press release masquerading as news the other evening I recognised in the young men on the screen my mates and I decades ago. A lot of them weren't hoons -- and I've yet to hear a coherent definition of the term -- at all. They were young blokes who loved cars and who'd come to talk to other young blokes who loved cars and check out their machines.

What the Minister's publicity-driven antics have done is drive a wedge between these young people and the police. They turn up to indulge their passion for cars and get booked by police, paid extras in the ministerial media show, for having wide wheels or noisy exhausts. Anyone who squeals a tyre, revs an engine or guns their vehicle away from the lights is now a hoon.

I still do it, myself. I admit it. Take me away. I'm a hoon, the oldest hoon in the country.

I presume that in keeping with his crusading zealotry, the Minister will request police conduct a mechanical check of every bus in the state, including those carrying our schoolchildren and which the Government doesn't even require to be fitted with seat belts for God's sake! Let's also check all Queensland Rail rolling stock and locos for mechanical faults and the entire State Government vehicle fleet.

Do that, and leave law-abiding young blokes alone.

I have one final suggestion. A few years ago, an old lady was bashed to death on the footpath in broad daylight in Paddington, near where I live. Her killer is still at large. Perhaps the Minister might care to redirect some of the massive resources expended in getting him on the six o'clock news towards finding her killer.

Please show your support for more articles like this by emailing the courier mail and congratulating them on a fine article...

Also, if you feel the need, call in your vote!

"SHOULD THE COUNCIL BUILD A RACING VENUE ON THE GOLD COAST FOR HOONS?"

YES 1900966386
NO 1900966387

Well said and I hope you all get on the phones to support this worthy cause.

Rex.

well i would vote if my phone let me but i would like to say that we watch big brother then go "hooning" lol. it is great to see some one say what so many ppl have been thinking.

Loved it, its a shame the letter had to end, it must go on, good stuff.

Anyways, no we shouldn't have a raceway for hoons, we should have a raceway for us young blokes and our machines .

I to would like a definition of a hoon????

email address of the courier mail?

outstanding
a voice from the media who isn't a complete tosser
maybe some people will take notice now - people like us aren't all burnout kings with doof doof music coming out our open windows

My mum works with that guy, and he is a real cack-up!!

Mike O'Connor, who wrote the email - oconnorm@qnp.newsltd.com.au

I can'f find a general email for the courier mail, but you can have a look on Courier Mail Online

[ June 23, 2003, 20:42: Message edited by: Gemme_Fatale ]

Ah yes! That's the address, I sent off an email to him, but forgot it...

Thanks for that Gem!

Bodyjar's a 'hoon' with his 19sec machine, but instead of smoking tyres he smokes amps...

there's a big difference between hoons and most people that go to these car parks.

u get most of the people down there with reasonable cars who take em down to show off their own cars and check out some other cars while their at it and cruise with em as a sort of way of "socialising", then u get these craphead "hoons" that just wreck it by start doing burnouts and driving like dickheads in the carpark which brings the blame to the majority. It's unfair that even a single driver can go wreck a good night for a bunch of people that just enjoy driving and enjoy cars in general.

It'd be good to have a venue down there so that people can race their car's in a controlled situation, where at most strips (eg. willowbank) stupid behaviour is mostly unacceptable and they kick em out and let the cops deal with it.

Tony Mcgrady =
I totally agree with that, its about time the police stated spending more time and money on real crimes and not checking every Hundi with an exhaust! Good to hear a journo tellin it how it is not jumpin on the Anti-hoon bandwagon! But we're just the latest scapegoat, not too long ago it skateboarders menacing the sidewalks, before that rollerbladers, and what do they do? not impound their skateboarders, they built them skateparks on every street corner!
DOnt know about the gold coast, but up here on the sunny coast there have been a couple of public meetings about the issue, with all involved agreeing that there needed to be somewhere for enthusiasts to go, like a drag strip etc. But the problem is the local council wants to make a Willowbank rivalling motorsport complex, to attract top fuelers and everything! why would the topfuelers want to come up here when the best dragstrip in the country is 2hrs down the road! Just build a 1km long straight road with some traffic lights on it and a return road and all will be happy.
Sorry for the rant, been studyin physics too long!

I emailed him to express my thanks for showing the other side of the story and for being man enough to admit to the public that all our dads and grandads were probably big car freaks in there day too.

Rex.

that was really entertaining, i liked that, excellent writing