Sigmeister
Jun 25 2003, 09:20 AM
It was mentioned in the "what job do you have" thread about some of the silly things that us IT people have to put up with so I thought I'd start a thread to see some funny things that you other have to put up with.
A couple of mine:
"What is my username?" (They worked for the company for 10 years. Have had this several times)
Removed a keyboard from a laptop that had shaving cream and whiskers all in it. Guy was angry it could be fixed under warranty.
I could fill a book with more but would like to hear some more from you guys.
[ June 25, 2003, 07:20: Message edited by: Sigmeister ]
Mick
Jun 25 2003, 10:09 AM
we had an access point unreachable at a site the other day, constant 62% packet loss...couldnt work it out.... after deciding to get someone out on site before we called a warranty job from cisco, user advised there might be some "slight" physical damage....
turns out, someone had backed a fork lift into it and ****ed it!
also, i love the people who call up and say "you reset my password".
yep, we have a server that resets passwords randomly!
next time you have a **** on the line... tell him its a PEBCAK problem (problem exists between chair and keyboard) - when they say whats that mean, either tell them, or tell them to call microsoft and ask them
tanger32
Jun 25 2003, 10:21 AM
I had a lab of 25 computer at a school, 5 of them would not boot up, somebody had stolen the ram from them DURING a lesson with a teacher in the classroom with them.
Or
I had a printer that had new ink cartridges put in it by a teacher then would not print, they had not taken the tape off the bottom of the cartridges.
Paul
galapogos01
Jun 25 2003, 11:05 AM
i used to work on a helpdesk and had plenty of those stupid kinds of calls.. "i cant print" - the printer was out of paper. do i look like im going to fill the printer for you? a brand new laptop with a screen ripped clean off the thing, and the guy saying "i dropped it"..
the best helpdesk joke i heard though was the ID Ten T problem - gets people thinking for a while... write it down:
ID10T
hehe
Jase
Bradg
Jun 25 2003, 11:13 AM
LOL its all good, I've talked to one guy who swore black and blue he could not connect to the internet, he threatened to take me to the telecommunications industry ombudsman, turned out he didnt have a modem i almost laughed in his ear when he told me he didnt buy one because he was told he could just connect his phone to his computer
BlackIce
Jun 25 2003, 11:20 AM
Internal:
"Is our server down"
"No, why ?"
"My E-mail *hosted by another company* keeps saying our server is down"
"No one can log on"
The server was switched off.
"We don't have any internet"
The Router was switched off.
"The printers not working"
The Print Server was switch off.
"The printers not working"
The inks run out.
"Why does Inventor take so long to load this project ?"
Its an 800Mb Assembly, consisiting of 5000 parts, each stored on the Server and we only have a 100BaseT network.. I WONDER WHY ITS SLOW ?
"Why does it take so long to load my person settings ?"
They've installed 20 programs without me checking them first and in the process caught 3 virus plus installed 5 trojen horses and the profile is 1.5Gb ! Yep, super snappy to load. Idiots.
Client:
"The computer you sold me doesn't have a sound card, my friend said so"
The speakers they were plugging into it were busted. Hrmm, this is some how my fault.
I also hate how they think they know everything and mess around with things they don't understand...
Like the time they tried to install a USB camera on Windows NT4.. Dah, no USB in NT4.
Like the time they tried to install a serial camera onto Windows 2000 using Windows 3.1 drivers. Umm, youre not logged in as admin and those drivers REALLY won't work on 2k ANYWAY !
Like the time they tried to install a scanner onto Windows XP using Windows 95 drivers. Wonder why it keeps on BSODing on boot ?
Best of all was the time my boss threw a brand new 3Ghz P4 with 1Gb RD-RAM, 80Gb hard disk, Quattro4 128Mb ($1,000 worth of video card !) and 19" Monitor into the boot of his car and took a 2000km trip, with it in the boot, and no packaging just the box & monitor. It came back with a cracked motherboard, stuffed HDD (head crash) and 5 3" scratches in the glass.
OH ! And when the accountants came and fiddled with MYOB so that invoices took 15 minutes to print.. and they installed MYOB on a workstation instead of a server. No one told me, I wasnt there, naturally the workstation doesnt get backed up. Murpheys Law dictates that the HDD must fail soon, it does and I cop the blame. For a week my moron boss abused me so I quit. Then he had to come and begged me to come back . That was beautiful. I liked the apology and payrise aspect of it.
Sigmeister
Jun 25 2003, 12:35 PM
Them
"I think you need to get someone to look at your server as it is down because I cannot logon"
"Are you sure I can conenct finE from here"
"I CAN"T LOGIN SOMEONE FIX THE PROBLEM NOW!"
"Can you please check the LAN cable is plugged into your PC, and make sure the connection is good"
**fumble...fumble....fumble.....**
"Oh I took it out the other day and didn't put it back in, does it need to be in to connect?"
zayne
Jun 25 2003, 01:35 PM
Gotta love the IT industry sometimes.
Funklemeister
Jun 25 2003, 01:49 PM
I work in a development team, and one of the apps we wrote was causing a problem.
If 1st and 2nd level support can't help, they pass problems to us to see if we can fix the problem.
Somehow "Printer out of paper" when trying to print reports made it past the helpdesk zombie and 2nd lvl support and was passed on to us. I called the user (I am in Melbourne, she was in Brisbane) and told her the problem means there was no paper left in the printer. She asked how soon I could have it fixed. I told her 7-10 days but that she could walk around and refill it herself with a ream of paper in about 2 minutes.
She chose the 7-10 days so I passed it on to her onsite support guys, who after checking to confirm I wasn't taking the called to say thanks for the easiest money they had ever earned.
nemesis
Jun 26 2003, 02:08 AM
anyway some new ones
Them: My computer won't turn on, it's making funny noises and beeping at me (this in on a desktop)
Me: You can't see anything on the screen? but the computer is making noises'?
Them: Yeh its making noises when i type, and the lights on the screen
Me: A green light in the corner (acer monitor)
Them: No its orange (stand-by)
Me: Where is the computer thats making the noise?
Them: Ummm its next to me (all computers sit under the monitor in this area, infront of each user)
...it goes on like this...turned out the computer making noises belonged to the user next to her, the screen was her's, but she had picked up the other users keyboard and moved it infront of her (hers was in a retracting draw under the desk) and was typing away, the computer was logged in already galavanting around windows, her's was off...quite funny when i saw it
Them: My computer won't turn on (laptop this time)
Me: Is the battery charged? or is it plugged in?
Them: It should be charged fully, its been plugged in all morning
Me: Ok are there lights on the display indicator on the front?
Them: No theres nothing, its all blank
Me: Sounds like its not getting power, ill come check it for you
Turns out the laptop was plugged in, the external monitor was connected
Them: I can't connect to the internet (god there are too many like this, this is just one)
Me: Is your computer plugged into a phone line (home user, dial up)
Them: It's all plugged in, this isn't good enough i just paid $4000 for this laptop, you ripped me off, you said it wouldn't have any problems connecting because you set it up! i want to talk to your manager
Me: Sir, i demonstrated your computer was working when you picked it up, something must have changed, we'll just go over a few things to see if anythings wrong
Them: I've owned a computer for 10 years, i know how to use them! I'm not an idiot you know
Me: I didn't say you were sir, i just want to check everything is connected right if you haven't made any software changes (this was the same day he picked it up)
Them: NO i haven't changed anything, its YOUR fault. You can't do your job properly and you told me i wouldn't have any problems
Me: Sir, tell me whats connected at the back of the laptop
Them: Nothing, its a LAPTOP, i dont need to connect anything to it, don't you know anything?? .....
Them: You sold me this video card, and it wont work (she bought it off the shelf, specifically asked for it by model number and name)
Me: It's a GeForce4 4200, its a very good video card, what operating system do you have?
Them: Windows
Me: Which version of Windows? there's a couple you might have
Them: My wife got the computer from work, we've had it a couple of years
Me: It was part of a network? All the computers connected through a server?
Them: Yes thats right, we had a logon name we had to use
Me: Was it Windows 2000?
Them: No, like that though
Me: Was it Windows NT?
Them: Yes thats it, it wont work. also when i went to put it into the computer, i couldnt find a spot for it, so i put it into one of those (points to a ISA slot on a old mainboard)
Me: Are you sure it was like that, not like any of these (showed him PCI, AGP slots)
Them: No no definately not, it was like that
Yep, so he was trying to install a video card that was AGP onto what turned out to be a 386, into a ISA slot, scratched the life out of the contacts on the card, all this on a NT4 machine
Ok last one, this one by a student (i work at a grammar school now)
Them: Hi, i think my computer is like broken, its like making funny noises
Me: Did you drop it? (all students have laptops)
Them: No i don't think so, but the screen looks like a bit funny now, don't know why
*opens case*
the laptop looked like it had been stood on, then dropped out of her locker, then attacked by a wild bore
Me: It looks like its been damaged, dont you think?
Them: Yeh i guess, its been like that for a while though, i just couldnt see half of the screen (lcd was smashed)
Me: Ok well we can send it off for repair, but its going to cost you the excess for insurance
Them: Oh i'll have to ask my mum, i'll get her to come in tomorrow
*next morning*
Her Mum: Hi, my daughter says her laptop has broken, but she has to pay to get it fixed? i thought the helpdesk was for students to use whenever they need it?
Me: Thats right, but her laptop is physically broken, have you seen it?
Her Mum: Yes i have, but its not her fault if they're fragile, it should be covered under warranty its only 2 months old
Me: Well they are an expensive item (around $3500), but to get like this they must have been mistreated
*i proceed to show her how you can literally stand on the laptop when its closed without it braking*
Me: See they're actually quite strong for a laptop, so it must have been mistreated, which is why we need to get insurance to cover it
Her Mum: Oh...well i guess we'll have to then
yeh that'll do for now, i swear i could write a thesis on stupid end users and the like, but it'd take forever
dasherhalo
Jun 25 2003, 03:06 PM
When entering your dial up account details, try using “Australia” in the area code dialing properties. It won’t work is you choose Aruba.
Similarly, putting the entire number (including area code) into *both* the area code and phone number fields probably won’t help you get connected.
Along the same line, typing YOUR HOME PHONE NUMBER into the phone number field is bordering on a psychosis of some kind.
Internet banking??? Easy. Just put your Amex card into the floppy drive, realize you can’t get it out, panic. Blame the 19 month child, deny all knowledge.
Interceptor
Jun 25 2003, 03:07 PM
I’m way too nice.
Used to work part time at a computer shop, guy came in and wanted a USB controller card.
Put the comp on the counter, I recognised it as being the same one I have at home, and I told him I could either install the card, or he could have USB for free……….
Then I pointed to the USB ports at the bottom of the case front (as seen in this link)
http://www.goldenjunk.com/images/listings/pre2.jpgBut the weirdest one was a customer who claimed he knew about computers, he’d bought a stick of SDRAM, taken it home, fitted it, turned it on, fried his mobo, dragged the comp into the shop, abused the crap outta me, I popped the cover off the case, and the stick of ram was bent like a banana, the ID10T had put it in the wrong way, and seeing as it didn’t want to go in, he thought it was just a bit stiff so he forced it in………
Was I gonna pick up the tab????? H3LL NO!
WRXCORE
Jun 25 2003, 04:19 PM
Whats the funniest is the ppl who claim to know how to use a computer then end up doing things that are worst than ppl that have no idea. This one is very old but still a classic(my tafe teacher told us this story, he sold pc's as a side business etc) this person claimed he knew everything about PC's soo to save afew dollars from the installation feee etc he said he would install it himself at home.
Anyway he manages to plug everything in but the computer wouldnt power up. The teacher checked everything over the fone than everything was pluged in etc(over the fone) "are you pressing the on button?" and he said "yes, nothing is happening". Anyway he ended doing the house call and the clown was using the mouse as a foot peddal to turn the PC on hahahaha, classic stuff.
SomeFReaK
Jun 25 2003, 05:16 PM
QUOTE
Originally posted by Interceptor:
Then I pointed to the USB ports at the bottom of the case front (as seen in this link) http://www.goldenjunk.com/images/listings/pre2.jpg
But the weirdest one was a customer who claimed he knew about computers, he’d bought a stick of SDRAM, taken it home, fitted it, turned it on, fried his mobo, dragged the comp into the shop, abused the crap outta me, I popped the cover off the case, and the stick of ram was bent like a banana, the ID10T had put it in the wrong way, and seeing as it didn’t want to go in, he thought it was just a bit stiff so he forced it in………
Was I gonna pick up the tab????? H3LL NO!
it sounds like something i overheard in the old gamedude shop at rochedale. This guy stood in the line for a few hours just to abuse the guys at the counter that his mobo was stuffed when he put it in his computer. They popped off the case and he had screwed the board directly to the metal backplate of the case, so as soon as it turned on, it shorted and fried. He wanted them to replace it for free because they sold him a dodgy product. I think just about everyone around him in the line started laughing and making fun of him!
[ June 25, 2003, 15:16: Message edited by: SomeFReaK ]
BlackIce
Jun 25 2003, 09:53 PM
Oh you guys just reminded me...
"I want a PC for Linux"
"Do you know how to use Linux ?"
"Of cource I do"
*bundles off system with no OS, but Linux drivers. 1 week later it comes back*
"Linux won't install on it. Windows wouldn't even install on it"
So I look at it.. There's no partition tables. Hrmm.
5 minutes later I've installed Windows 2000 on it without a hitch.
"How did you do that ?"
"You never setup the partitions."
"Yes I did"
"No" *shows print out from diagnostic*
"Oh well, can you install Linux ?"
"No"
"Why not ?"
Heres the Ethical Dilemma..
I really want to yell "COS YOURE OBVIOUSLY TOO ****ING STUPID TO USE LINUX".
My conscience makes me say "Because I can not support Linux. If you remove Windows from this system, no warranty is offered on its running."
Stupid me for assuming when someone says "I can use Linux" they know what they're doing. Oh and BE WARNED, this idiot aparantly worked in QANTAS as a computer tech.
Konrad
Jun 25 2003, 11:36 PM
While I'll spare everyone my stupid client storys, I will share this
http://users.bigpond.net.au/konrad/bofh.exeLittle program I wrote when the staff at one of my sites seemed to be having a particuarly slow-minded day. Those true sysadmins out there will appreciate the BOFH reference, I'm sure
Interceptor
Jun 26 2003, 12:43 AM
Typical……. In a thread about ID10T problems, the link doesn’t work…….
Here’s the whole ad for the comp, I was linking to the photo on the bottom left
http://www.goldenjunk.com/pc3.htmI note the photo that the thumbnail is linked to still come sup as 404
lancerman
Jun 26 2003, 01:50 PM
Some of these probably aren't true, but its funny anyway....
---------------------------------------
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
*
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
*
Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
*
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
*
Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the Internet onto this disk for me?"
*
Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
*
Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows - because of the icons - I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to-"
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a filing cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"
Customer: ?click?
*
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash - it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game."
Customer: ?pause? "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
*
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colours would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colours are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every colour of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?"
*
A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech support number, complaining about the error message:
"Can't find the printer." On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.
*
And another user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also complained that the buttons were difficult to depress. She was very embarrassed when we asked her to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed away from her.
*
An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.
Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer."
Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide.
Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?"
Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialised."
Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?"
Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialise it?'"
Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?"
Customer: "After they were initialised, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"
*
This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his username and password in capital letters. Tech Support: "OK, let's try once more, but use lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."
*
Email from a friend: "CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard
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